Birth Is Birth

There is almost nothing that ruffles my feathers more than when a mother compares her birth story to other mothers and goes as far as to feel less than a mother or a woman because of how her birth played out.

There couldn’t possibly be a worse way to measure the success of motherhood or the validity of your birth.

I am personally a huge advocate of written birth plans. Some are not, but the reason I am is because without a plan you’re essentially going in blind. Birth is the last thing you want to walk into blind because it is no respecter of persons. However, in my “pro-birth plan” heart and mind, I do not believe that everyone with a written birth plan gets what they write down. That isn’t how it works.

To have a plan is to simply say “this is my hope and my prayer for my birth experience and I have put in the work according to that plan”. As we all know, birth is unpredictable and you don’t know what the outcome will be until baby is in your arms. In fact, if all women were honest they would probably tell you that some aspect of their birth did not go as planned.

So, why do we use this birth story “measuring stick” to be the determining factor of the validity of our birth?

Whether you gave birth vaginally, via C-section, medicated, unmedicated, in a hospital, at home or a birth center, if baby was born breech, or you experienced medical concerns in pregnancy or birth… YOU. GAVE. BIRTH!

The one and only determining factor of whether or not your birth is “valid”, is if there is a baby on the outside that use to be on the inside of you. That’s it.

Birth is birth. So if you’ve been beating yourself up on any level for how your birth experience played out, stop. You have a story. Use it for good. Share is with other women who may need it hear it. Your story could carry an aspect that just might bring healing to another mothers heart.

So, let’s stop comparing. And let’s start supporting.

It Takes A Village

We’ve all heard it said a million times over again. The famous phrase “it takes a village”. More often than not the phrase is referring to raising children. And yes, it does take a village to raise children. It’s hard work. However, I want to stir your thinking today.

It takes a village to support and encourage expecting, birthing, and postpartum mothers and I’m saying it loud and clear for all the people in the back.

Now, I didn’t understand this in it’s fullness until becoming a mother myself. There’s truly no way to do so until you’ve walked it for yourself.

In my experience becoming a mother to my own two children, I began to put 2 and 2 together. Motherhood is hard. It comes with so many incredibly beautiful aspects, but there are so many challenges mothers have to overcome. It’s a learning curve. So why does society tell us that all aspects of motherhood should to come natural to each of us? What a lie.

This is where the mama village comes in.

For your expecting friends, check in! Her hormones are running wild right now and some days she’s happy and joyful and other days she feels like she’s going crazy and can’t stop crying for no reason. She deserve to feel seen and heard and you can make that happen so simply. Send her a Starbucks gift card or a “thinking of you” card with her favorite candy inside. It doesn’t take much to make a pregnant mama feel overwhelmingly loved.

For your friends who are about to give birth, help her fill out her birth plan or throw her a nesting party and help prepare her space to bring home baby. This can be so simple and helps out a nesting mama more than you can imagine. She shouldn’t be preparing the home all on her own anyway. She deserves to enjoy this time as stress free as possible.

For your newly postpartum friends or family, she is most likely sleep deprived and silently searching for any help she can get her hands on. Purchase her a postpartum meal train so she doesn’t have to think about grocery shopping or meal prepping for a couple weeks. Help her catch up on dishes. Don’t ask, simply knock on her door and be there. Let her care for baby and nothing else. If she wants a shower or a nap, you care for baby so she can do that. She will be so appreciative.

We can’t all do everything. That’s why it takes a village.

No mother deserves to feel like she’s in this on her own. We all deserve to feel adequately supported in this life changing season.

So wherever you are in your own motherhood journey, and maybe your journey hasn’t begun yet, it’s never too early or too late to become a part of another mothers village. And remember, small things become very big things in this stage of life.

So today find a mama, choose a small thing, and be a huge part of her life. I pray it comes back for you 100 fold when you need it most.

The Thief Of True Joy

Dear Mama, 

   Enough is enough. How often are we, as mothers, comparing ourselves, comparing our children, our situations and circumstances and everything else to others? If you’re honest, you could probably say you do this all the time. I know I do way more often than I should. 

    All those other mamas are not you. All those precious other babies are not your precious little baby. 

    As women we tend to compare ourselves in the most unrealistic ways, and I’m here to tell you that it’s time to relieve yourself of this unnecessary pressure. Comparison is the thief of true joy, and it’s time to live a joy filled life. 

    Pregnant mama, stop comparing your baby bump to hers. Your baby and your bump are perfect and beautiful. Enjoy it because they won’t be on the inside but for a moment. Stop looking at pictures of all the wildly extravagant baby showers wishing yours had been “bigger” or “better”. It’s not even about that. A baby shower should be all about the friends and family that join together to pour out all their love on you and your baby. 

    New mama, stop comparing your birth story to hers. You have your own story, your own body, your own baby, and so on. Birth is unpredictable and you can’t go back now and change the outcome. Hold that baby in your arms and look into their eyes and realize that having them in your arms happy and healthy is the only thing that actually matters now.

    Toddler mom, stop watching all the toddlers of your friends on social media. Social media is not reality and you are only getting a small glimpse of that persons life. I promise you, it’s the age and the stage, and it will pass. You’re doing this and you’re doing it with more grace than you realize.

     Motherhood is a lot of things and one thing I know is that we have all had moments of feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. The truth is we all have easy days, hard days, crazy days, blissful days, and so on.

    Make the decision today to not live another day allowing comparison steel your joy. It’s robbing you of some of the most wonderful moments that you will never be able to get back. You are such an amazing mama. Start living each day like you believe it. 

The Perfect Mother’s Day

Well, today is the day. The day every mom waits for all year long. Okay, maybe not all year long, but when you’re mom and it seems as though you wait hand and foot on everyone else in your home 24/7, you tend to look forward to a day that’s all about you. But how true is that statement? I mean, think about it.

You’re pregnant… sleep insomnia.

You have a newborn… yeah, you’re probably not getting that afternoon nap.

You have toddlers… maybe they’ll take a nap. Maybe not.

And the list goes on. But let’s take a step back and think about this for a second. At the end of the day, what actually makes for a “perfect” Mother’s Day?

Hear me out… I’m always down for a good afternoon nap. A pedicure. A massage. A new handbag or a pair of shoes. But is that what makes a day all about mom perfect? It’s not. It’s those babies. Day in. Day out. Every. Single. Time. It’s those babies. Go snuggle them up on the couch or color a picture with them. Whatever your child loves to do the most, be a part of that with them today. They won’t be this small for long. Time is a thief.

You do so much, mama. You really do. And you deserve to be celebrated for it over and over again. You’re the best of the best. The real MVP. Many will even say that mom is the glue that holds everything together. And I would agree, that’s true. And that’s you. You don’t have to wait for Mother’s Day each year to feel seen or heard. You shouldn’t be recognized or acknowledged just one day out of 365. You’re celebrated 365. If by no one else, it’s me. I’m rooting for you. I’m cheering you on. I’m in your corner.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama. You deserve the world.